the hawthorne bridge
so i went back to the docks to find my babushka. but she had been replaced by a blue heron, sitting grandly on one of the pylons. when i walked by, it didn't even flinch (it must have been tamed). i stood near it and we watched the hawthorne bridge raise as it mysteriously does every day at 1:07PM (i don't understand this - no boats are coming through, and i can't see anyone doing work on the bridge. i just wonder if the bridge operator is bored and enjoys the power he has to stop most of portland in its tracks).
zdrastvitsya
during my lunch today i took a walk by the river....there's a floating dock thing that goes around the marina, and i recently discovered that it's actually open to public access. it's an amazing view from there, because you're way out in the water and have a chance to turn and look back at the city from a different angle. apparently i wasn't the only one who discovered this floating dock thing either. there was an old russian woman, with a skirt, shirt, vest, coat, hat, two layers of socks, a scarf, and sturdy brown shoes meddling with something by the water's edge. i came closer, and she had a huge roll of fishing line that she was attaching cottage cheese to - and then placing it in the water, at varying intervals along the length of the dock. she had a blue bucket with her, so i guess she was fishing. she surprisingly looked up when i came along and smiled.....i ventured a hello and she nodded her head in return.
i thought about coming back and sitting beside her - hearing what she had to say. but i was afraid i'd bother her - what if this is her only quiet hour during a day of taking care of an aging husband, worrying about her delinquent children who probably have three rebellious kids of their own, trying to figure out how to deal with landlords in a place that's unfamiliar, jumping at every siren wail, keeping all her money under the mattress.... maybe she'll be back tomorrow. and maybe the day after that. if i keep coming by enough, maybe she'll show me how to fish with cheese.
lists
very good things:
- the sun has been out for three days in a row
- they're mowing the grass already
- i've cut down to two coffees a week
- one of my alotted coffee days is today
- the man across the street that i get coffee from calls me "Jhesheek". he's from Korea.
- trishawna and i are going to a cereal tasting this weekend
bad things:
- all of my very good things have to do with food or weather
- peter is sick
- i was just sick
- before that, he was sick
- now my throat hurts. again.
- grandpa isn't doing well. mom calls every day with updates. i don't even want to think about it.
why not just eat two pounds of jelly beans every other wednesday?
yesterday, peter found two futons on the side of the road with a "free" sign on them. he took them, put them in our basement, and posted them up on craigslist. we had four phone calls within an hour, and he sold them both for $70.
the first people who came to check them out were awesome. they had just moved to portland from getting their teaching certificates in prague - there was a lot to talk about. it seems like sometimes you instantly connect with someone or you don't. but when you do, it's amazing. so they came to community group last night, maybe just because they didn't know anyone in portland and wanted people to talk to, or maybe because they were truly seeking. i felt a little nervous about it, especially because the discussion was supposed to be about fasting. and if you're not into God, or even any sort of spirituality, the idea of fasting seems completely arbitrary - altruism to the extreme. it had been a while since i'd been in any sort of intense spiritual discussion - so it was definitely beneficial, but left me feeling a little ashamed. maybe just because i didn't have any hard and fast answers. but isn't that what's attractive about this new form - the fact that we don't pretend to have all the answers? maybe just looking at things from the outside made me realize how much of a faith thing it is.
everytime i feel like this, it always goes back to an intense discussion i had two summers ago - do i even want a God i can explain? if i can explain him, then he's not big enough to be God.
i don't know if that's a cop out. but i don't want a God I can wrap my head around.
